makemeasong | eastbound IC Inbox 💫

( Red has been keeping to herself since she received a gift of a collar of all fucking things. She wonders if it came from Hades. Maybe it's going to send her right back to the Underworld whether she wants to go through a beacon or not. Either way, it's just further proof she can't really keep what she is a secret - not if someone out there knows well enough to send her a godsdamn collar, and she doesn't want it to come out in a moment like it did with Fei, because then Fei just fucking disappeared afterward before Red even had the chance to explain.

She doesn't want that to happen again with other people she cares about even if she realizes this whole place is temporary anyway. She is sending a message to Clara who already told her she could reach out to her at any time. So yeah, she does even if that's not exactly easy for her to do. It's evening so she figures everyone's done with their contributions to the Inn for the day, and she is playing with the collar in her pocket. )

Hey, do you have some time to talk?

[ It's been a surprisingly not bad time so far, and Clara's just gotten back to her room after helping clean up in the kitchen. She's delighted to see Red's username pop up and she lets herself drop onto the mattress, messaging back within just a minute or two. ]

Absolutely. Come over? Or I can come to you. either way, all yours.

I'll head to you. Just gonna grab some snacks and stuff. Just give me a few minutes.

( Her experience with Hermione and Emilia has taught her that it's good to bring snacks and drinks for like something like this, a girls night, or maybe it's just nice. She picks up a bottle of alcohol, glasses, grabs some snacks from the kitchen - just some dried jerky, crackers, and stuff like that really, but it's all placed in a basket. Not like there's pop tarts or anything here. Then she walks over to Clara's door and knocks on it. )

awesome. wear something comfy, i'm in pajamas.

[ She feels like that should be fine, they went through something together, pajamas are fine. Opening the door, she grins, then glances out in the hallway, and points at the door next to hers. ] Doctor. I think he's out now, but we're next door to one another. If he pops by, there's no stopping him. [ Stepping aside, she lets Red in and closes the door, smiling. ]

Seeing you in a non-stressful situation again is nice. Make yourself at home, I'm flopping down on the bed, so feel free.

[ There are no rules during Girl's Night. She does pause, though, unable to help asking a question—she needs to be sure nothing bad has happened, at least. ]

Everything okay?

( Red comes in comfy clothing including a very big sweater. She tied the collar up several times around her own wrist beneath the sleeve of it, keeping it close. She's not used to this cold. The Underworld had no temperature at all really, and Cerberus was made of fire so she's used to being extra warm all the time and not being around so much snow and cold and shit.

She nods to the door where the Doctor's staying, noting it, and then steps in the rest of the way into the room, sets the basket down near the bed, and then stands there, curling one hand over her own chest. )

Oh, yeah. Everything's... fine. I told you when we met that I'm older than I look, and you saw the thing with the ghost.

( where she intimidated it. ) Wanted to tell you what... I am especially cause this place has a tendency to y'know rip truths from us at inconvenient as fuck moments, but I'm not good at words and shit so. Just y'know, bear with me. And also, girls nights are good, right? So we can have one of those, and you can tell me stuff too if you want.

[ Clara's sitting cross-legged and noses through the basket before looking up at Red, eyes soft. She does indeed have a Thing she could talk to Red about, but feelings are the worst. There's a lot of snacks though, and the alcohol can't do anything but help. ]

I remember you telling me that. There's no judgment here, you know? No matter what. [ She's touched, glad that Red trusts her. ] Don't worry about getting it out in any kind of way, this is exactly why food and booze are involved with things like this. And admittedly, there's...maybe something I need to talk out.

[ Clara takes a deep breath, then lets it out with a huff and small smile. ]

Let the girls night commence. [ She gets up for paper cups, then hands one to Red, getting comfortable again. ]

( It helps that it will be a mutual sharing of whatever the fuck they both need to get out. She thinks that's part of the girls' nights thing too: sharing feelings and talking things out along with the booze and the snacks. God, she'd give anything to try like the actual snacks she's heard about like chips and pop-tarts and all that. There's a reason to let herself go through the beacon next time. All that modern food she never got to try. )

Thanks. ( It does help to know there's no judgement at all even if she's not really sure how to- She opens up the booze and pours a cup for them both. Her hand grips to the cup, and she sits beside her, taking a drink. ) And good, this is a fuckin' judgement-free zone for anything you maybe need to talk about too.

( It can stay safe and secret. ) And uh, also, like a secret zone so it won't leave this room. ( Another drink, swallowing down the burn. ) Do you... know anything about the gods? Like Hades and Zeus and stuff like that?

Whatever we talk about stays here. [ She can absolutely promise that to Red, and she gives her a small air toast before taking a swallow of the alcohol. If she could make it happen, she'd have Red at her flat in Lancashire for all the pop-tarts and Takis she can handle.

Nodding along to the question, Clara hums in thought. ]

I think I might know just slightly more than the average person, but I'm no expert. I took a few classes in uni that dove into myths and ancient cultures, and the Doctor's taken me to Greece circa Sometime in the B.C. era when the worship was at its height. I know Zeus is up on Mount Olympus and he's married to Hera, though he's a pretty shite husband and father I think? What I remember about Hades is the underworld, and that he kidnapped Persephone for eating pomegranate seeds.

[ She grabs a piece of jerky and smells it first before tearing off a strip with her teeth.]

Oh, and the story of Orpheus in the underworld. Because I always wondered if Eurydice wanted to be saved in the first place. [ Whole other conversation, though. ]

( Red takes another drink from her cup before she nods along to all of that. Zeus is a piece of shit and so is Hades, and it's nice to know those stories maintain in other worlds where they're not so present anymore. Where they are just stories and they don't actually exist.

She does linger on the story of Orpheus. Her memories of being only Cerberus are vague and fuzzier than the rest, but they're hers too. The asshole used his magic song to put her to sleep so she could take Eurydice out of there, and then he couldn't even stick to the only stipulation added. He just had to look back. )

I mean, most spirits don't like being in the Underworld so she probably wanted to get the fuck out of there and enjoy some more time up on the mortal realm, but then Orpheus had to go and fuck it up. Not like the gods give those kinds of chances easily.

( She doesn't know how Eurydice feels about him though. Back then she wasn't so capable of speech, and well, even when she was, she didn't make friends with any of the spirits. )

Uh, so. Yeah. In my world, the Underworld was split into different sections. Hades did it to keep shit more organized down there, make it a little more familiar to the spirits who ended up there especially since they could like go through growth and shit like that - some might even get to go somewhere a little nicer, and one of those sections was a high school. Purgatory High.

True enough, I was so annoyed with him as a kid, felt like Eurydice deserved better. [ One chance and all he had to do was not turn around. It's an intense trust exercise, but he blew it for both of them.

Moving on and listening to Red, Clara takes a sip of her drink and nods along slowly. She's surprised and it shows on her face; Hades isn't a myth and the Underworld is real. There's a time in her life she would have looked dubious, and it probably would have taken a lot of convincing, but traveling with the Doctor makes it impossible to doubt everything is possible in the infinity that is the Universe. So, the surprise melts and she asks her first question. ]

You could die and literally be trapped in high school forever? [ Perhaps not be the first question another person would ask, but that sounds like a nightmare she's had. Familiar, but school forever? Only if she's the teacher. ]

( Red sees the surprise on her face, and she expected it. She's talked to enough people now that she knows the gods as she knew them, as they existed in her own world are basically stories, myths. But she figured traveling with the Doctor and well, this entire place too between worlds and everything else would help make it a bit more believable. )

...well, it usually was just teenagers who died that ended up there. Supposed to be a smoother transition that way. ( Or something. She doesn't pretend to know what Hades' plans were ever, and it's not like it was up to her to know. She followed orders, obeyed instruction. ) There were some teachers too to hold classes so it'd all seem... like a high school.

( Since she knows Clara is a teacher, it's possible she could have ended up there because of that in her world, but. Usually the spirits were not very old at all. Anything over twenty was the cut off at least while they had been alive. They could stay in Purgatory High for an endless amount of time especially since time has an entirely different meaning down there. )

Some spirits didn't even know they were dead.

Okay, I'd teach, wouldn't mind that a bit in the afterlife. No school board banning books left and right, I bet.

[ There are bright sides after all.

Clara sobers a little, the next question not even thought about, it simply tumbles from her lips. ]

Why? How does that happen?

[ She'd been very aware she was dead, that wasn't the confusing part. She had no idea where she was, until the Doctor brought her back. She didn't know who she was anymore until he'd shown her the leaf she'd blown into the world on, her whole life in her fingertips. Clara tries to remember what that feeling was, wondering if it's the same. ]

You'd be right about that.

( It's not always easy to get everything down there, but Hades had the library pretty well stocked - easy distraction for students. She tips the glass around in her hand, remembering all she knows about Clara. Even now, she can sense her aura, her soul beside her.

She shakes her head, tilts the drink back, takes a sip from the edge of the cup. )

Denial. People generally don't want to be dead. Easier to believe the illusion - just going to school away. There were dorms and shit so your brain just... lets that become your new reality. Fills in gaps for things that should be unexplainable.

They never look too hard, never question. There's no real sense of time or shit so it's not like they'd notice that the school year is endless. Most knew, but some preferred pretending.

[ Clara makes a soft sound in the back of her throat, wondering briefly if that could have happened to her mum and Sabine. Dying instantly and unexpectedly. Her world isn't Red's though, and Red didn't come here for Clara to have a crisis about her dead family, so she pushes the thoughts away. ]

Honestly, even without trying to convince myself I'm still alive, that doesn't sound awful. [ Wait. Sometimes she's a little slow on the uptake but her heart lurches a little. Is Red dead? She never ages, is that why? Clara's forehead creases and she tries to make a gentle guess. ] You spend a lot of time in the Underworld, then?

Yeah, it's not awful. It's not supposed to be - not good, not bad. Neutral. Purgatory. Some people go on to punishment where it gets worse, a rare few go somewhere better. I think the adult's version is like an office space or something. ( It's not like she really kept track of the other parts of the Underworld when it was all split up like that, when she- Cerberus got all split up into pieces.

She couldn't. ) ...I've basically always been there until I tried escaping with a couple spirits and ended up here in this world. Uh, Cerberus? He split me- it... up for each of the new parts of the Underworld, and I'm what was made for Purgatory High. ( Her fingers press on to the collar a bit under the sleeve of her shirt. So she was not dead, but she also wasn't really alive ever either until very recently. )

[ Clara's trying to keep it straight in her head, brows knitting together just a touch as she follows along. ]

What do you mean what was made? You were made for what?

[ She isn't sure if she's understanding as well as she thought, and she takes a swallow of alcohol. It will either help or make things worse. ]

( Well, that's the question, because Red has no idea what she actually is. It's part of her internal crisis since she rolled up on the mortal realm without any clear idea. She's not human, not fully Cerberus either - some weird mix. She takes a long drink from the glass until the burn hits the back of her throat, until her glass is empty.

Then she just kind of shrugs. )

Me. I was made. I don't know how. It's not like Hades explained shit to me, and I'm Cerberus - well some weird mix of Cerberus and whatever he did to make me more like a a person. Specifically, I'm the Cerberus of Purgatory High School, and I was supposed to guard the spirits and make sure they didn't get up to shit like trying to escape, destroying things, getting into fights, going to restricted areas.

Shit like that. ( She fills her drink again, stares into the liquid, settles the burn in her chest. ) I know it's confusing.

But instead, you did the escaping? [ Clara's almost sure that's right, and she lets out a breath. ]

Why don't men ever explain anything? Not to generalize, but c'mon. So, you were—are— a guardian, and that doesn't sound all...bad? Except for the being trapped part and knowing nothing about yourself, sounds peachy.

[ That's so fucked, and Clara pours more into Red's cup. ]

It is confusing, but I think I'm with you, actually. Hell of a place to wind up after that, though. From purgatory to whatever this is. [ Clara gestures at the room around them in general. ]

...eventually. ( Red didn't think she would be able to - thought the water would suck her down inside of it, spit her back out where she was made for. )

He's even worse than a man. He's a god, and I'm like a fucking... weapon to be wielded by him. No reason to explain anything to me. I'm no different than any of his other powers or abilities or shit to him, like a piece of the landscape. I know he sure as fuck didn't mean to make me so... human-like.

( She bites down on her tongue a bit hard enough she tastes blood, closes her eyes, swallows down the liquor and the blood too. It's impossible to describe really what it's like - to be a monster but not, to be young but not, to be not really enough of anything. People want to leave this place. Vanessa left to return to her own world. Some day they all will (and she'll be running, or she'll be dragged back into the Underworld and be destroyed). None of them belong here, together- )

Do you like it here?

[ Clara scowls just a little, angry on Red's behalf. The woman she's met—regardless of what she used to be—deserves more and better. Fuck Hades. ]

You're you, Red. If you want to be a weapon, that's totally different. But you are you and Hades can't do shite here. [ Little Miss Blackpool is on the scene. ] I'll remind you of that every time I see you if you need me to. You're Red, you're my friend, and you're brilliant and beautiful. So, there.

[ Clara finishes off what's in her cup and pours more even though she winced the entire time it went down. Pondering Red's question, she doesn't have to think long. ]

Only for the people. The place itself could use an attitude adjustment. It's just...this is my only time with the Doctor, so good or bad I try to just go with it. It's hard, though. Met some pretty amazing people along the way and that makes it easier.

( That is the hard part, isn't it? She doesn't know who or what she is really, some part of her was made to want to be a weapon, made to want to follow instructions. The rest of her rallies against it and hates it, but another part of her wants exactly that. To be used. Such an inhuman desire swirling with another desire to be free that comes from some humanity smashed awkwardly against the rest.

She does smile soft at Clara's words. )

You sound like him. ( The Doctor. His anchor that he placed in her mind was very similar in words to what Clara says. It helped Red have more control over shifting back and forth between her two forms. She sips from her glass with a nod. )

You want to make the most of it then. ( Because it's her only time with him, but yeah, this place can be pretty shitty. )

[ That's probably one of the best compliments someone could pay her. Smiling back, it doesn't quite make the corners of her mouth lift. ]

There are worse people to sound like. And good. You should hear all of those things all the time. We'll both remind you, as much as you need it. We'll do it happily.

[ As for the rest... ]

I'm trying. It's a little harder with me being from his future and him not really knowing me. It's— [ Her feelings are all over the place, and she drinks a good amount of alcohol, making a face as it goes down. But it's exactly what she wanted, to feel like she could exhale fire. ]

It's complicated. If you aren't in this place, will you have made your escape? Do you know?

( Red taps her fingers on the outside of the glass as she stares into the liquor in her cup. She's had enough of it now that there's a nice little buzz. She hasn't forgotten what Clara has told her about the future, hasn't forgot that Clara dies for the Doctor and then the Doctor goes on to die and- Couldn't. )

Especially with all the shit you know and lived through about his future that you can't say, huh? ( She grimaces at that. Must make it even more difficult in the end. Complicated is the name of the game in this place. She shakes her head at the question. )

...I don't know, and he is a god. ( Even if she gets out of the Underworld in her own world, it's not likely to last, and how does she even start to live in the mortal realm without an id or family or shit? Something she avoids thinking about when she can. )

Maybe...maybe you can come back through the beacon with me, or the Doctor? We've mentioned it, and that's probably not helpful, but you make a really awesome human. I know trying to trick a God is generally frowned upon, but he hasn't found you here, right? Stands to reason he wouldn't be able to find you in my world either.

[ Clara looks hopefully at Red before glancing down at her cup, swirling the liquid around and letting the warmth of what she's had settle in her bones. Before she gets back to the Doctor, she has to be sure she understands everything Red came to tell her. Especially before the alcohol makes creating memories hit or miss. ]

I'm not human - just come in the shape of one. Most of the time. ( Pieces of a human soul smushed with pieces of Cerberus to make a weird mess of a thing. She breathes out, drinking from her cup again, shaking her head. ) It's okay, Clara.

( The Doctor has made her promises that the TARDIS would find him eventually, and he'd take her with. It's somehow not surprising to her either that Clara would offer the same in her own way. The beacon will shoot them back where they came from: to that very moment like none of this happened at all, pull them back and make them not remember this place. Maybe she's just old enough to be cynical and practical about things, but she expects she'll end up back in her own world one day. )

I wanted you to know so if I ever shift into my Cerberus form around you, it's not some big shock. That happened with a friend while I was in the Tower ( a friend who called her little sister ) and she- she was gone before I could explain. That's why girls' nights are good. You get it all out.

text. hope this is okay!!

ahhh i was planning to have clara also reach out to red so it's perfect!!

AW YAY so it works out perfectly then

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