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clara "why are you booing me i'm right" oswald ([personal profile] makemeasong) wrote2022-10-06 09:48 am

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growlies: (129)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-15 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
( That is the hard part, isn't it? She doesn't know who or what she is really, some part of her was made to want to be a weapon, made to want to follow instructions. The rest of her rallies against it and hates it, but another part of her wants exactly that. To be used. Such an inhuman desire swirling with another desire to be free that comes from some humanity smashed awkwardly against the rest.

She does smile soft at Clara's words. )


You sound like him. ( The Doctor. His anchor that he placed in her mind was very similar in words to what Clara says. It helped Red have more control over shifting back and forth between her two forms. She sips from her glass with a nod. )

You want to make the most of it then. ( Because it's her only time with him, but yeah, this place can be pretty shitty. )
growlies: (112)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-15 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)
( Red taps her fingers on the outside of the glass as she stares into the liquor in her cup. She's had enough of it now that there's a nice little buzz. She hasn't forgotten what Clara has told her about the future, hasn't forgot that Clara dies for the Doctor and then the Doctor goes on to die and- Couldn't. )

Especially with all the shit you know and lived through about his future that you can't say, huh? ( She grimaces at that. Must make it even more difficult in the end. Complicated is the name of the game in this place. She shakes her head at the question. )

...I don't know, and he is a god. ( Even if she gets out of the Underworld in her own world, it's not likely to last, and how does she even start to live in the mortal realm without an id or family or shit? Something she avoids thinking about when she can. )
growlies: (sitting)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-16 04:58 am (UTC)(link)
I'm not human - just come in the shape of one. Most of the time. ( Pieces of a human soul smushed with pieces of Cerberus to make a weird mess of a thing. She breathes out, drinking from her cup again, shaking her head. ) It's okay, Clara.

( The Doctor has made her promises that the TARDIS would find him eventually, and he'd take her with. It's somehow not surprising to her either that Clara would offer the same in her own way. The beacon will shoot them back where they came from: to that very moment like none of this happened at all, pull them back and make them not remember this place. Maybe she's just old enough to be cynical and practical about things, but she expects she'll end up back in her own world one day. )

I wanted you to know so if I ever shift into my Cerberus form around you, it's not some big shock. That happened with a friend while I was in the Tower ( a friend who called her little sister ) and she- she was gone before I could explain. That's why girls' nights are good. You get it all out.
growlies: (light)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-17 05:46 pm (UTC)(link)
( Red tilts her head to the side when Clara mentions that some of it is embarrassing. Her hands form around the cup, allowing the warmth of the alcohol to settle as she listens. She winces at what Clara shares with her, understanding immediately. )

...oh, shit.

Okay. Yeah, I haven't really talked to anyone about that, and I won't. ( She talked to Hermione in a general sense about knowing information about someone's future that she couldn't share, but not any of the details. The Doctor tends to not want to talk too much about himself (at least not the vulnerable parts, the parts that hurt) so she doesn't think it will necessarily come up in their own conversations, but she'd be there to listen if it did.

However, she remembers Clara telling her about it all: how painful, how difficult it was to talk about it all, how much she felt he shouldn't know the truth at all. She imagines it would have taken something for this planet to force it from her. )


How'd that conversation go?
growlies: (004)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-17 06:51 pm (UTC)(link)
( Red remembers in the Labyrinth: how readily he threw himself in front of Vanessa and her, how much he wanted to be the one to take the damage, how much he wanted them to save themselves. Of course, they never did. They were all going to get out together. Her fingers grasp the collar still pressed underneath her sleeve. It's not surprising at all he would be angry about it.

Then Clara says she told him she loves him, and there's a brief moment of confusion on Red's face. She sees she seems almost embarrassed maybe, and she doesn't get why loving someone- oh.

Oh. That other kind of love.

Red's experience with relationships of any kind (friend, family, romantic) is nearly nonexistent. It wasn't until she came here that she started to make connections, make friends. No one in Purgatory High wanted to be friends with someone that was Hades' so intrinsically. She has a lot of knowledge about things, rattling around in her brain in a far away way, but no actual experience so she can't say she knows what it's like to even have feelings for someone else like that or what it's like to confess those feelings to that person. She imagines it must be really difficult, scary even: to put one's heart in the hands of another. )


...that's what was embarrassing?
growlies: (look down)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-18 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
( Red reaches over, rests a hand on her arm gently when she sees that she's emotional. It must have ultimately hurt, ultimately been hard to know and love someone and then run into a version of them that hasn't lived all the same things. She can hardly wrap her head around what that must be like so she squeezes her arm gently and then shakes her head. )

I can't imagine how fucked that whole situation must be.

I'm sure you told him cause you lost him before. When people die, they always regret the shit they didn't say or do when they were still alive. I'm sure it's the same for the people who remain living who have lost people.

( They have their own regrets about not doing or saying things before they lost that person like Red regrets not telling Fei, not being able to explain it all to her. )

Think you gotta be forgiving on yourself. This whole entire everything's fucked, and you're just trying to make the most of a shitty thing with what time you have and none of that's even guaranteed here.

( There's an ache to her expression but she means what she says. There's no fixing this, no making it better. Sometimes shitty things just exist as shitty as they are, but Red hears her, she does. )

It's okay. That you said it, all of it. It's okay.
growlies: (sitting)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-19 03:55 am (UTC)(link)
( Grief is as unfamiliar to her as connections despite spending so much time among the dead, the dead who grieved their own lives, but she never had any friends down there, and so she didn't experience loss like that.

No one can die anyway if they're already dead.

She thinks it hurts either way. Whether she's his friend or his romantic partner when he loses her (and it turns out she loses him too even if she gets him back), it would be painful, it would be a loss, but it doesn't stop them from being friends. Despite the pain of it - all lifelong relationships have to end that way, don't they? Death or gone or- But people don't stop, reaching out, making connections. No matter how much they've lost. She thinks it's brave of humans, but maybe it's- it's what living's all about. Connecting.

What would she do to stay here: away from Hades, away from her fate, away from what she was made to be? Probably not enough. )


Why did he run away from you after he regenerated? ( She doesn't... get that part. Why he'd run away when he must have known Clara, cared about her especially after all they'd gone through together. ) But yeah, that would... all be really fucking confusing and messed up.

Hard to think of the right things to say in the best of circumstances, y'know? Sometimes you'll just blurt out whatever you feel especially when you're holding it in too long. ( She sips at her liquor again lifting her eyes to look over at Clara at that comment, and she smiles - a bit pained. ) I've been watching people for awhile.
growlies: (talkin)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-20 12:32 am (UTC)(link)
...well, shit, a real charmer. You do not look like a short potato. ( Red rolls her eyes at that with a wrinkle of her nose at the very thought. ) You're beautiful. Potatoes are weird and lumpy shaped. How long has it been since he regenerated?

( Maybe it takes time. She really doesn't know what that's like, has never heard anything like regeneration in her own world. Spirits make deals with gods sometimes to try to come back to life, but they're basically the same except for the experience of having died. )

People blurt. It's a thing. ( And it's okay. )

Oh. Well, Hades gave this version- uh, me a name in Purgatory High. I'd be on the list to attend classes and shit, but... I wanted one of my own so I came up with Red cause I have red hair, and don't know any people named that.
growlies: (down)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-24 12:25 am (UTC)(link)
( Red shakes her head in answer to the question. He'd never mentioned that before, and it's hard to wrap her head around - It's the Underworld. Its layout can change though Hades is the one that is in charge of changing it. This sounds like the Tardis itself will change it. )

...a T-Rex? Shit. That must have been shocking to suddenly be swallowed while you have no idea what's going on. Did you at least get to see it?

( That's a once in a lifetime chance to see a dinosaur after all. Red ducks her head with a tiny smile, blushing slightly. No one's ever said that to her before, and well, she's never really thought about it either, part of separating herself so much. )

Oh, uh. Thank you. ( She sips more from her cup resting her head back a bit against the bed behind her. ) Never really put much thought into dressing any certain way. Always had to wear a stupid hall monitor vest, and I didn't really make friends with the spirits so- ( lots of guarding and watching from the outside. ) But thanks.
growlies: (head down turn)

[personal profile] growlies 2022-12-26 07:11 pm (UTC)(link)
( Red smiles a little at the sweet and genuine way that Clara puts it. That she likes this, likes having her around. She is still getting used to how kind people in their group can be like it's so easy to make friends, like it's so simple.

Maybe it is. Maybe the Underworld complicates things. Maybe it was complicated further by how different she was, but here they're a group of people who are very used to different or strange or odd. )


...yeah, girls' nights more often. They're good for the... heart or something. ( She lifts up her cup as if in toast. ) To doing this more often.