makemeasong | eastbound IC Inbox 💫

[ Clara didn't know how badly she needed to talk about this. Her logical mind knows why things are the way they are, but the other part of her wants to shout about it not being fair. She isn't that naïve though, the universe doesn't care about what's fair or not. ]

Hearing that it's fucked from someone else helps. I didn't ruin anything, at least, and there are other reasons we couldn't ever—I mean, I'm human. He isn't, and in the end, my life is a blink of an eye, then what? I've only given him more hurt for his hearts to carry.

[ Closing her eyes, she realizes pops of color are swimming behind her eyelids, so no more alcohol for her. When she looks back at Red, she tries to smile at least a bit. ]

And you're right, the regret was heavy. Red, he literally ran away from me after he regenerated. I show up here and the Doctor I know is alive and well. Perfect. [ Swallowing back a lump in her throat, she shakes her head. ] He told the man in white he was afraid of what he would do to not br alone, and it shouldn't—it shouldn't be that way. I needed him to know, and now he does. He's loved. By me, by so many others.

[ There are a plethora of other emotions from the span of her life carefully boxed up and tucked away because there's no resolution to them. She'll put the in love portion of her feelings for the Doctor right next to the other complicated moments of her life and store them away, push it all to the far corners of her heart. Reaching out, her hand squeezes Red's arm in gratitude. ]

You're really good at this human thing, by the way.

Edited 2022-12-18 15:49 (UTC)

( Grief is as unfamiliar to her as connections despite spending so much time among the dead, the dead who grieved their own lives, but she never had any friends down there, and so she didn't experience loss like that.

No one can die anyway if they're already dead.

She thinks it hurts either way. Whether she's his friend or his romantic partner when he loses her (and it turns out she loses him too even if she gets him back), it would be painful, it would be a loss, but it doesn't stop them from being friends. Despite the pain of it - all lifelong relationships have to end that way, don't they? Death or gone or- But people don't stop, reaching out, making connections. No matter how much they've lost. She thinks it's brave of humans, but maybe it's- it's what living's all about. Connecting.

What would she do to stay here: away from Hades, away from her fate, away from what she was made to be? Probably not enough. )

Why did he run away from you after he regenerated? ( She doesn't... get that part. Why he'd run away when he must have known Clara, cared about her especially after all they'd gone through together. ) But yeah, that would... all be really fucking confusing and messed up.

Hard to think of the right things to say in the best of circumstances, y'know? Sometimes you'll just blurt out whatever you feel especially when you're holding it in too long. ( She sips at her liquor again lifting her eyes to look over at Clara at that comment, and she smiles - a bit pained. ) I've been watching people for awhile.

I dunno. I mean, I think I got it at first. He must've been confused and disoriented. I brushed it off when he said I looked like a short potato. [ Said with love, Strax. ] When he didn't know my name, I told myself things must be jumbled in his head. Then it just never really got any better. It was like he tolerated me.

[ And then he left her with the mechanical man. Whatever happens next, she doesn't know. River's suggested it works out, but for how long? And does this—will this—interlude change things? Clara rubs her face and draws her knees up to her chest, leaning back against the headboard. ]

I blurted. That's what I did. [ She watches Red, and a question pops into her head. ]

How did you pick your name? Red, I mean.

...well, shit, a real charmer. You do not look like a short potato. ( Red rolls her eyes at that with a wrinkle of her nose at the very thought. ) You're beautiful. Potatoes are weird and lumpy shaped. How long has it been since he regenerated?

( Maybe it takes time. She really doesn't know what that's like, has never heard anything like regeneration in her own world. Spirits make deals with gods sometimes to try to come back to life, but they're basically the same except for the experience of having died. )

People blurt. It's a thing. ( And it's okay. )

Oh. Well, Hades gave this version- uh, me a name in Purgatory High. I'd be on the list to attend classes and shit, but... I wanted one of my own so I came up with Red cause I have red hair, and don't know any people named that.

[ She smiles at the reassurance about her looks, but it fades when she thinks back to the time frame. ]

I have to guess. We stayed on Trenzelore for a while, the place he regenerated. He avoided me and I dunno how much time passed. Weeks? Maybe a month. Has he told you the TARDIS is infinite? And it can change its layout anytime? It was literally impossible for me to find him. When he finally made an appearance again we uh— [ Clara puts her face in her hands so that her voice is muffled. ]

There was a T-Rex. He got the TARDIS swallowed by a T-Rex which he brought back with him on one of those random times he ran away from me.

[ Nodding her head toward her, Clara looks just a touch jealous. ]

I always wanted red hair. There was zero chance, no one in my family's a ginger, but it's gorgeous. You're bloody gorgeous too, by the way.

( Red shakes her head in answer to the question. He'd never mentioned that before, and it's hard to wrap her head around - It's the Underworld. Its layout can change though Hades is the one that is in charge of changing it. This sounds like the Tardis itself will change it. )

...a T-Rex? Shit. That must have been shocking to suddenly be swallowed while you have no idea what's going on. Did you at least get to see it?

( That's a once in a lifetime chance to see a dinosaur after all. Red ducks her head with a tiny smile, blushing slightly. No one's ever said that to her before, and well, she's never really thought about it either, part of separating herself so much. )

Oh, uh. Thank you. ( She sips more from her cup resting her head back a bit against the bed behind her. ) Never really put much thought into dressing any certain way. Always had to wear a stupid hall monitor vest, and I didn't really make friends with the spirits so- ( lots of guarding and watching from the outside. ) But thanks.

All of Victorian-bloody-London saw it.

[ She huffs out a breath and rubs her face, but she lets out a short laugh, too. ]

A forever hall monitor. God, middle-grade me would've loved the power to be bossy for a reason. Maybe the underworld is onto something. [ She nudges Red gently. ]

Also, you're welcome. I like this, and I like that I have you. Whenever there's time, we should try to do this more often.

( Red smiles a little at the sweet and genuine way that Clara puts it. That she likes this, likes having her around. She is still getting used to how kind people in their group can be like it's so easy to make friends, like it's so simple.

Maybe it is. Maybe the Underworld complicates things. Maybe it was complicated further by how different she was, but here they're a group of people who are very used to different or strange or odd. )

...yeah, girls' nights more often. They're good for the... heart or something. ( She lifts up her cup as if in toast. ) To doing this more often.

[ Clara grins and raises her cup that's now filled with water. Have to be smart about girls' nights. Or at least semi-aware. ]

To more girls' nights. And if we ever get to a place with real food, we're getting it all. Every last bit of it, even if it makes us sick. I don't even eat a lot of junk food, and I miss it like mad.

[ She's missed this since Sabine died, feeling close to others. She'd been determined to block that part of her heart off, but here she is, making friends, caring so much that one day it'll probably hurt. But for now, she's happy. ]

eastbound IC Inbox 💫

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

the holidays wrecked my tagging brain sdflaksdf so sorry for the slow!