makemeasong | Open post/meme overflow 💫

I almost wasn't. [ Her voice cracks a little when she says that but instead of crying she just ducks her head until she can breathe him in at the crook of his neck. ]

And to think, you wouldn't let me say 'I love you.'

[ She'd tried, but the timing, he'd said, and so it went unsaid. Her voice is muffled when she speaks. ]

Idiot. My idiot.

[The Doctor has to swallow the lump in his throat. He remembers that day vividly. Instead they'd had to settle for it going unspoken even though he was certain that she had known his true feelings at the time.

Love wasn't for him. At least it rarely was. But as he held her against him in that tiny kitchen, he started to believe that maybe it was time for him to start believing it could be.]

My Impossible Girl.

You fought for me.

[ Clara murmurs the words softly, pressing her forehead to his and cradling his face in her hands. ] Even when you didn't know I was yours.

Maybe somewhere deep down I knew. In my atoms. In my soul.

[Nuzzling his forehead against hers, he lets out a breath.]

I would have torn up the universe for you.

[He almost had and she knew it. He might have been a Time Lord, but he knew that he was hardly impervious to it.]

Edited 2022-08-18 04:47 (UTC)

You nearly did.

[ Her voice is so quiet, her fingers brushing through his hair slowly. ]

I don't remember what happened during the Time War. The last thing I remember is hearing about Romana's execution and you worrying they'd come for us. But then it's all blank.

[It’s hard for him not feel a twinge of regret when Ramona’s name leaves Clara’s lips. He hasn’t heard Ramona’s name in a long time and he’s surprised that Clara remembers her at all.]

Do you want to remember though? Maybe it’s a kinder existence not to know.

[The Time Wars were horrific and in his mind, just a sea of fire and loss. There was so much anger he still held when he did think about it that he had to force himself not to dwell on it too long.]

No. No, I was just...trying to remember the last time I saw you and knew who you were to me. It doesn't matter.

[ Clara presses her forehead to his temple, breathing him in. ]

We have a future to plan for now. We have mostly full sets of regenerations. We can keep doing what we have been.

[A part of him feels relieved when she says that she isn’t trying to unlock those memories. This entire process so far has been harrowing; the last thing he wants is for her to have to relive the Time War too. The tension he had been holding in his shoulders up until now dissipates.]

You’re right. We do. And we won’t take any of it for granted.

[ Clara hums and kisses his cheek softly before pulling back to look at him. ]

Now that we have some very important foods out of the way, I need to know something equally as vital. Do you like to dance?

[ The face right before this one, they danced quite a bit, but he was more tactile with her then and he hasn't asked her to dance since. ] Because if not, we'll have to come up with something else that involves music and my body pressed against yours.

[ She loves being able to flirt with him again, a skill she misssed sorely. ]

[He lets out a bit of a harumph, immediately understanding where she’s coming from. He can’t help but have his cheeks flushed a slight pink at the implication as well.]

I can dance. It just hasn’t been a priority for me since.

[It was also just another reminder of his past self and how starkly different they had been. Was it possible to be jealous of someone that was technically you?]

Time to rearrange your priorities. [ She calls him a term of endearment in Gallifreyan before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips and getting up from his lap. Moving into the living room, she moves to an old record player that has amazing sound, and pulls out an Ella Fitzgerald album. ]

Do you remember listening to her in that smoky lounge with Marilyn?

[ Clara expects the Doctor to be right behind her, but it isn't as though much space separates them anyway. Soon, the smooth sound of Ella's voice moves through the cabin and Clara turns back to the dining room and grabs her glass of wine, taking a sip and holding out her free hand for him. ]

[His grumbling really is all for show as he follows after her dutifully into the living room. The dishes can always wait for later. Although this current state of him had a taste for punk-rock and electric guitars, there was something about Ella’s voice that held a special place in his heart.]

How could I forget? The pair of you fawned over each other; it was like I wasn’t even there. [He says it jokingly despite it being the truth taking her outstretched hand and bringing her close to him. His other hand finds rest in the small of her back.]

As if you didn't get plenty of attention from Marilyn Monroe.

[ Clara rolls her eyes, but the real reason for slow dancing with him is made apparent quickly. She melts against him, one arm looped around him where she's able to perfectly hear his heartbeats. ]

I missed this. I missed the way it feels to be in your arms like this, and the way we've always fit together somehow. Even now that I'm unfairly short.

We’ll just have to agree to disagree there then.

[And it wasn’t like he was particularly jealous of that moment; it would have been an honour for anyone to have Marilyn take interest in them.]

You were always short. [He says with a laugh as he holds her close to him and sway with her in time. It’s less dancing and more swaying, but he hopes she doesn’t mind. Lively dancing didn’t seem to fit Ella’s voice like this did.] We fit then and we fit now. [His fingers draw tiny circles on the small of her back.] And we’ll always fit no matter what our regenerations bring.

[ His laugh. The sound of it is like magic, and she absolutely doesn't mind the swaying. She wants slow and close, so it's perfect. ]

Let's try not to regenerate again anytime soon. [ Because usually, it means something awful has happened, and she thinks they deserve this, to reclaim their lives for themselves. For a few minutes she lets the record play without say anything, but a thought floats through her mind and she can't help but ask a question. But her voice is quiet when she does. ]

We spent such a long time apart. [ Clara takes a deep breath then lets it out. ]

Did you ever...fall in love with anyone else? [ Loving, and being in love, are two vastly different things, and she knows that he always kept walls around his hearts. But she never asked anything about his love life because before, it didn't seem like any of her business. ]

You don't have to worry about that. That's something I'm not rushing into any time soon.

[He had his own hangups about regenerating and it was one of the commonalities that he had with his tenth face. Regeneration felt like dying as much as it was a new chapter on his very long life and while he knew it was inevitable, he couldn't help but feel more trepidation thinking about it in this iteration of himself.

Clara's question surprises him and catches him off guard. He hadn't expected her to go in that direction.]

Am I going to get in trouble for answering this?

[ Clara laughs softly and shakes her head. ]

No, I promise. I know about River at least. I liked her, a lot. She helped me realize I could jump into your time stream and save you. I'm glad you weren't alone, that your hearts still allowed people in.

[The slight prickle of fear he gets after she asks the question disappears when she reassures him he isn’t going to get in any trouble for answering it.]

There were a couple, including River but not all of them were romantic love. [The music swells and the next track begins just as he begins to think about all the people that he’s travelled with. In many ways he did love all of them. There was no way for him not to. That was one of the things that set him apart from other Time Lords, he realized. It was the ability to love in many forms.]

Rose Tyler was one of them. She was one of the first faces my tenth face saw. [He hopes that she’s well. That was one of the few bittersweet moments in his life that had crossed paths with love and he had allowed some version of himself to be with someone in a very long time.]

[ Clara can't help but smile softly and stroke his cheek. ]

You weren't alone, and people loved you. Took care of you. Do you know how relieved that makes me feel? I know where I stand.

[ Pulling back, she holds his gaze. ] After everything, you let yourself love again. That just makes me love you more.

[Clara would have spun it that way. He can’t help but feel his hearts melt slightly, knowing that she is nothing but caring, nothing but loving, even after all this time.]

I was lucky. I am lucky. And I keep having to remind myself of that even on my worst days.

[He leans down, brushing his lips against her forehead before chuckling slightly.] How is this dancing doing it for you? I’m not exactly twirling and spinning you around a room but I haven’t stepped on your toes yet.

It's exactly what I wanted. [ She hums at the kiss to her forehead. ] But I guess if I'm looking for an excuse to be pressed against you, we don't necessarily have to be standing.

[ Her arms loop around his neck. ]

I'm happy to do anything though. We could let the TARDIS take us somewhere after cleaning up. Or we could go explore the forest.

I knew there had to be another reason. [He bends down even further to press the lightest of kisses to her lips again.]

We could explore more of the planet. Head out tomorrow? I think we deserve a planet not as dangerous for our first night together as a married couple in a long time.

[But he knows them; they both love the rush, the thrill that a new adventure presents to them. His suggestion is just a way of deliberating slowing them down, a valuable lesson that he’s learned since they had parted ways.]

[ Her hands reach up to cradle his face, keeping him them as she hums her agreement before kissing him again. Still a sweet kiss, though not as light. She ends it, then lets the tip of her nose glide along the side of his. ]

I'll help clean up.

[ But first, another kiss. Because he has the right idea about slowing down. And it only seems right that they kiss as often as possible. ]

[He knows that he should get more used to affection because a relationship - a partnership - is all about balance and compromise. They won't work if he can't at least give her something.

And maybe, he thinks, he would have gotten there eventually with Clara had they kept adventuring. Maybe not as soon as she would have liked or hoped, but eventually. But there's something easier in knowing that she remembers his real name, his first face, and their shared history.

He returns the kiss, taking his time to explore her again, taking more time than he normally would before reluctantly pulling back to urge her towards the kitchen.]

The dishes aren't going to wash themselves. We're Time Lords not wizards.

Edited 2022-08-19 04:25 (UTC)

[ Clara laughs and goes to the kitchen with him, the music till playing from the other room. They settle into an easy back and forth of drying and washing, and she wipes down the countertops while he takes care of the stove.

By the time they're done the record has played both sides and they've finished the wine. ]

Job well done, us. I missed doing all of these little things with you. I missed being your wife. Not just a wife, but yours, specifically.

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