makemeasong | From what we cannot hold the stars are made.

[ Her mouth opens, then closes, but the intensity of his words coupled with the way his forehead presses against hers makes her rethink everything she was about to say. ]

I'm your weakness.

[ The realization makes her heart give a solid thump in her chest before meeting his gaze, suddenly afraid for a totally different reason. ]

Are you gonna make me go?

[He's closed his eyes - for what reason he doesn't know. Maybe not to look too long at Clara with her big, brown eyes always full of emotion and feeling, or just to give himself a moment of respite - but they snap open when she utters those words.

His thoughts from before about her leaving being the best choice for her own safety surface again. It doesn't even cross his mind to think about her being his weakness, his potential downfall.]

Why would I make you go? Do you want to go?

No. Never. I don't care what happens, I don't wanna leave you.

[ One hand wraps around his arm as she looks at him, trying to make sure he can see that she means it. ]

It's you and me, right?

[After what just happened he wouldn't have been surprised if she demanded he take her back home. The Doctor knows he should level set with her. For all their running about and adventures, Clara was still human with delicate, fragile human skin. She could die and he might not be able to bring her back and the thought grips him with so much fear that as much as he wants to send her back to her normal life, he wants her there beside him to keep her safe. To keep him level.

It's as selfish a reason as it is noble. It reeks of dependency, but he still can't bring him to say that she should go.

He needs her.]

It is. But something worse could still happen. What then, Clara?

[ She's quiet, already knowing what she wants to say, trying to decide if she wants to open this particular wound. But she will. She does. ]

Danny stepped out into the street and then he was gone. He was in a war and died because a car didn't stop. Nothing is guaranteed, Doctor. Do you understand? You could drop me off tomorrow and tell yourself I'll be safe forever, but we both know that's not how it works. Not always. Not for everyone.

[ Not for her mum, or Angie and Artie's mum, and not for Danny. ]

[The Doctor can’t help but swallow the lump in his throat. He knows that she’s being pragmatic just like he would in a moment like this. Every day could be their last, but he’s lost the acceptance of death that he’d had with his younger face.

His voice is low.]

I know. I know that better than anyone.

[His gaze holds hers, thumb running over her temple, resolving to himself that if anything happened to her, he’d go to hell and back to bring her back safe.]

Which is why you’re so important, Clara.

[ Clara holds her gaze steady on his before turning her head to press her lips to his palm. She lingers, closing her eyes. When she opens them again she doesn't look away from him. ]

Do you think I could ever lose you? Do you think that's acceptable to me?

[The place where her lips meet generates a warm spot on his palm and it lingers there, loosening the knot in his stomach. He gives her a watery chuckle although his eyes aren't damp.]

As you love to remind me, you jumped into my time stream to save me.

And I'd do it again you daft old man. There isn't a part of my life I can imagine that doesn't have you in it. I don't even know how to go back to that anymore. I couldn't.

[ Not even for someone who loved her, as it turned out. ]

[He gathers her hands in his again, squeezing them tight. A part of him wants to kiss her hands in return but he holds himself back from doing so settling for this for now.]

And I'm lucky for it. [He smiles a closed lip smile before scoffing, still holding to her hands.] And here I was supposed to be comforting you. How do you do that?

You did comfort me. Don't lie and say you didn't need to be comforted too.

[ Her hands squeeze his in return. ]

We need one another, Doctor. So until you make me go, you're stuck with me doing annoying things like knowing what you need before you do.

Well, then I guess I'm stuck, aren't I?

[He says it teasingly. Adoringly even.]

I really should think about paying you more. Hazard pay.

What pay? I'm supposed to be getting paid?

[ She smiles just a little though, reaching out to press her hand to the side of her face. ]

This is payment enough. If you really do a bang up job with your duty of care, you'll never have to worry about my asking for this again.

[ Her feelings are still a little hurt over his earlier hesitation, even if she tries to say it with levity in her voice. ]

Ooh, I should add backpay to my list of things to do, shouldn't I?

[The Doctor's tone is also light and joking, but it doesn't quite meet his eyes.

His hand goes to cover hers and he knows what she's referring to even without her saying it or him reading her mind. He hates that he hesitated when she asked. It had been selfish and it was the least he could have done for her who had done so much for him, and had just gone through something she never should have. A wry smile comes to his face.]

Always room for improvement, right? I accept most feedback.

[ Pausing, Clara hesitates and glances down, but then she looks back up at him and her voice is soft, clutching his hand tightly. ]

I missed this. I've missed you.

I missed you too.

[And he means it. As angry as he should be with Missy, she at least brought about this realization about. The walls he had put up between himself and Clara didn't need to be there even if he had thought he had done it with best intention.]

And I swear this won't ever happen again, Clara. Not ever.

[ She knows he'll do anything to keep her safe, to put himself between her and danger. She also knows he can't always protect her, but he'll try. He'll always try.

The thumb of one hand smooths over his forehead lightly. ]

I know. Honestly, track record's not bad.

[ Clara knows eventually they should both shake it off, go somewhere new and do what they always do. But if she moves, she's afraid it'll be the last time she's ever this close to him. So she doesn't move, deciding she'll stay curled against him as long as he's willing to stay. ]

[A part of him wants to move away now that Clara seems relatively okay, but at the same time he doesn't want to see the hurt reach across her face again as he does.

So he stays. For the first time in a long time he stays. He allows him to wrap his arm around her as she curls into him and he lets out a small sigh.]

It's not a track record I'm fond of.

I feel safer with you than anyone else in the universe, Doctor.

And she can still say that, even after the Dalek.

Can I ask you something? About all your Time Lord abilities. [ Just so he knows it's a topic that won't hurt. At least as far as she knows. ]

[The grip around her body tightens if only momentarily when she says that. It's his way of saying that he thinks the same thing too.]

Go on then.

How does it work, if you want to read someone's thoughts? Do you have to ask permission first?

[ She's genuinely curious after the way he helped her sleep, something she's never experienced before. And she wonders if something can't be explained in words, he could understand directly from the source. ]

I could read them any time if I have some kind of contact with them. Most people don't ask permission before doing it.

[He pauses.]

I haven't ever done it to you. If you're wondering.

That's not why I asked. The way you helped me sleep, it was like...everything upsetting was replaced with warmth. The way it feels when you do this, only inside my head.

[ Clara's fingers lightly trace the circle of a button on his shirt, fidgeting. ]

[Her fidgeting doesn't go unnoticed but he doesn't stop her. Just continues to hold her there.]

Yes well, that's a little different than reading minds. That was me trying to calm you. You could call it some form of hypnosis or a transference of happier thoughts. [He frowns.] Or maybe a mutual meditation might be a better word for it.

Mutual meditation. [ She hums a little. And then she chickens out, because no. She needs to figure out a way to say the words and if she can't say them yet, she isn't ready. ]

Is there a way you can take away dreams? I can't...I don't think I can sleep again if there's a chance of that nightmare again.

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