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[ He'd carefully read through every reply on her broadcast to their group, everything related to the Child who presents a danger to them all, and yet, who has been toyed with and manipulated seemingly for his entire existence. That Clara advocates so strongly for the Child's life is of no surprise to the Doctor, though he does wonder and worry at the toll it's taken on her thus far.

When they have a quiet moment alone, he does want to...check on her. ]

Bit of a day - a few days, actually.

[ Understatement of the century, really. ]

[ She needs a break from the replies, so she's good with the excuse to tear her eyes away from her device for a while. Clara's smile at the Doctor is thin, but there. ]

Just a bit. Brushed it off already.

[ What a lie, but it's so big, she knows there's not a chance he'll believe her anyway. She'd watched him die, again, even if she knows it wasn't real. She'd watched him get old on Trenzelore but she'd saved him. Or at least she thought she had. This version of him is technically gone forever now. The tower had been keen to remind her. When she speaks again, her voice is softer, and she glances over at him. ]

That was all really, really awful. And now I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I think I am, but — [ She pauses to look down at the device in her hands. ]

I didn't know the Child created the tower.

Edited 2022-11-08 12:42 (UTC)

[ He knows she's lying and equally, he knows her well enough now to know that Clara knows that he knows she's lying. That all makes perfect sense...

But, it means there's no need to draw attention to it, the truth is plain between them. She's an absolute mess and he worries. He couldn't completely protect her - or any of them - from the tower; what lies ahead for them? ]

What's the right thing, Clara? What do you think - what does it feel like to you?

[ It's his version of helping and comforting. ]

[ Clara's quiet and fiddles with her device, trying to slowly come up with an answer. She thought she knew but does she? ]

If the Child can be helped, we have to try. But people are asking me questions I don't know how to answer. How long do we try? What if he can't be helped at all? What if he hurts more people while we're trying? And if he can't be helped, then what? Could we trap him indefinitely until we have a plan?

[ She takes a deep breath and lets it out heavily. ]

How do you do this?

No, you misunderstand me. [ He says this gently, ducking his head a bit to catch her eyes. ]

The right answer is, the answer you can live with.

[ That's how he does it. Because he makes choices all the time that are terrible, that feel absolutely horrible, but given the alternative, they were the only answers he could live with then. Was destroying Gallifrey the right answer, or the only answer he could live with, when faced with the knowledge that the entire universe would burn? ]

So, what does that mean? It means trying to help, if we can. You know the answer, Clara.

I know. I know, Doctor.

[ And she does, because then she meets his eyes. This, at least, he'll understand. ]

Because we don't walk away. But I still can't stop thinking about the way he hurts everyone, even when he doesn't mean to. You, me, all the people we already care about here.

[ She still has the healing cuts on her arms, and there's one on her thigh that hadn't even registered to her in all the chaos. Not until later by the fire. Then there was everything she saw. Her eyes seem to look through him for a second as she goes back there for a moment in her mind.

You left me. The voice of a Dalek with emotion. She's talked to River about it, and Clara wishes that magically stopped the haunting of her echo's words. So far, that hasn't happened, and she can't stop thinking about it, but she has no plans to tell the Doctor what she knows of the Dalek Asylum. ]

[ He's pacing a little while they talk, but it occurs to him that she sounds so terribly exhausted. Of course she would. She makes a good point, even if he'd like to not consider such an alternative, the time may come.

Kneeling in front of her now, he reaches out to cover one of her hands, squeezing gently. ]

The right answer isn't always the final answer. Trying, because we must. But sometimes, Clara, the only choices left are terrible ones. I hope it doesn't come to that.

[ Clara closes her eyes and holds onto his hand tightly for a few seconds before relaxing, letting out a soft breath. It helps, hearing him say aloud that a terrible choice may have to be made. She feels less guilty. ]

What happened when you went back into the tower? You were limping when you came out.

[ She changes the subject abruptly, because the conversation is close to being about her and she'd rather not. Not first, anyway. ]

[ What didn't happen, quite honestly? He's just grateful that everyone he loves made it out...well, physically intact. That's all that can really be said for the moment. ]

It doesn't matter anymore, does it? We're both here.

[ He was chased by minotaurs with Vanessa and Red, faced down an angry skeleton with River and then watched her being manipulated and having her desires used against her. The same happened to him, then, and he was accompanied by Wrath and Five. Not a pleasant experience by any measure. Watching Gallifrey burn again...no, he'd rather not say much at all. ]

You're infuriating, do you know that? You and your wife.

[ Clara huffs and looks at him, staring him down for a second, but she's so tired, the annoyance doesn't really come across. ]

I'm allowed to worry over you, you know. Just because you've made it your sole obligation to fuss over everyone with a pulse, doesn't mean we don't worry in return. I always worry about you.

[ She worries more because he has no regenerations. ]

It's all part of my charm, some would say.

[ As for River, well - he's not surprised. They've avoided talking for the moment and frankly, he's not in a rush, though he probably should be. He worries for her sake, but imagines they'll find a way to speak about it eventually.

With Clara, at least, their conversation might come easier. ]

I suppose we're at an impasse because I worry about you. We'll offset each other.

[ She'd argue but she doesn't have the energy, and she knows she'd lose anyway. At least she's self-aware. A self-aware control freak. ]

I'm worried you're going down to the Mouse House without me after announcing it's being filled with gas.

[ Clara raises an eyebrow. She'd read about it, he hadn't told her; she doesn't really mind but it's easy to give him a hard time. Even easier when she'd rather not talk about herself. ]

I can't go with you because...?

Oh, don't be ridiculous. Really? After everything that's just happened? I can recover and heal myself in ways that you can't. You're not going anywhere at all at the moment.

[ It doesn't entirely surprise him, though it does speak of her devotion to him, which, again, absolutely terrifies him. She's going to get herself hurt, or worse, traipsing after him with such conviction. It's happened before, not just to Clara, but he actually has lost her twice, and it's shaken him. ]

You ask why - there's a toxic gas being pumped down there, Clara, and I have a respiratory bypass system. Memory loss, sedative, nasty business. I don't want you anywhere near it. You don't have the strength to move right now and you know it.

I don't think it matters if you know this, because I'm not saying when: In the time I've known you, you've had an amazing record of having your memories wiped somehow. I worry.

[ She pouts at him, trying her best to look threatening, but really she just looks like an exhausted, tiny bean of a woman. Clara knows it, too. But she can't let him forget that under normal circumstances, she's the boss. ]

Listen to me, Doctor. I have been through and I've seen too much for you to do anything so stupid that you forget me, or worse. Don't promise me anything, because you can't keep it. Just mean it when you say I'll see you soon.

[ She hasn't told him anything she thought she might about the fourth floor; she thought she would, but now with the occupants of the Mouse House in danger, it feels like there are more pressing things than what she saw — it wasn't even real. ]

[ Oh, Clara, try as you might, you couldn't ever be intimidating. Still, he's charmed and amused by her attempt, a fond smirk on his face.

Sitting beside her on the ground now, legs stretched out in front of him, he reaches over to tap her nose fondly. ]

Your face is doing a thing, it's really quite good, well done, but not terrifying in the least. We'll have to work on that.

[ Whoops, he didn't respond to her request, how about that. Avoid answering, Doctor, like always. ]

[ There may or may not be a whine from her, but the sure sign of her tiredness is not pushing the point. His words might be keeping her on the ground, but they don't take away all of her worry. ]

I can be terrifying.

[ She can try. She'll never be that, though. Authoritative, yes — someone has to keep the kids in line, and she includes the Doctor in that. In any case, when she unscrunches her nose, she meets his eyes. ]

It would be really rude of you to make me go through more emotional trauma than I already have, so you definitely need to tell me you'll try your best to get back here without getting gassed out of what few memories of me you have.

Edited 2022-11-10 00:13 (UTC)

To butterflies, maybe. Not even those, actually.

[ He does have at least enough awareness right now to recognize that she needs something more from him, and after everything that's happened, he owes her that, at least. So he softens, bumping her shoulder affectionately. ]

I always come back, Clara. One way or another.

Did something else happen, in that tower?

[ Clara looks at him and then away, swallowing. She goes to twist a ring on her finger that isn't there, so instead she fidgets with her own fingers. There's a lapse of silence before she finally decides on a version of the truth that she can share with him. ]

Before you found me, I meant to go up with others but the elevator was full. I didn't know the floors were random, I said I'd be right behind them.

[ And then, of course, she hadn't been. ]

It didn't stop until four floors up. It was confusing at first but only because it seemed so simple.

[ A lever, right there in the middle of the room. ]

Did you—do you know what was on that level?

[ No. Not that floor, that wretched floor. Of all of them, of everything he'd witnessed in that terrible tower, that floor unsettled him the most for what it did to his mind. Not just his, though. He could look past that if it were only himself, but it tore apart his friends - River, Clara, countless others. To prey upon their hearts and souls with malice, with no restraint, it's an evil unearthed that he can only just barely begin to understand. He rarely thinks of good and evil in such absolutes, but there's nothing else that fits.

Does he know? Unfortunately, he'd become all too acquainted with it, the tower sending him in a loop, back to that floor over and over again. Perhaps it took some particular delight in him, his power, his mind. He would have stayed there and allowed it to consume him if it meant the rest of them had been spared. Unfortunately, he couldn't quite think within his rational mind.

His answer is a simple one, not as talkative as he usually is. ]

Yes. [ A pause, because...what to say, how to ask? ] You weren't alone?

[ He knows the answer. She couldn't have been, and for that, he's grateful, to whomever stood by her side. ]

I was at first.

[ Clara considers skipping to the end, but instead, she goes to the start. He knows the ending, because she's sitting beside him. ]

When I moved toward the lever, suddenly it was like I was in the house I grew up in. And my mum, she was there, she was making breakfast, soufflés. But not just for me, for you too. And Sabine. Angie and Artie's mum.

[ At this point, she's pretty sure he knows she's taking care of children, and she knows herself, she would've told him their names by now, what happened. ]

Everyone who's ever meant more to me than anything. Right there in my mum's dining room. It wasn't until after I saw everyone that I realized I wasn't alone anymore. Wangji found me. He literally pulled me out because I didn't—

[ Clara swallows hard and looks at the Doctor, meeting his eyes briefly before looking down at her hands, trying not to cry. She's too exhausted to cry anymore. ]

I lost you all again.

[ He's grateful beyond measure; that's his first, immediate thought. Wangji was there with her, for her, and he owes the man his gratitude and utmost thanks. He'll be sure to speak with him soon.

Seeing the way she moves, the way she won't quite meet his eyes, he reaches out now to wrap his arm around her shoulders. ]

It gave you hope and then it took it away. The worst form of cruelty.

[ Clara lets herself lean against him, her head at rest; he may not know her the way he should, not yet, but he's still the same. The same feel, soothing voice, the perfect hug. The only thing different is the way he smells in Serthica — there's too much dirt, rust, and blood in the air. ]

There was a Dalek. [ Clara doesn't look up at him again, instead she presses herself closer, closing her eyes tightly. She can't tell him it was her, that she was in that Dalek, blaming him for not saving her. He doesn't understand her yet, her echoes, and she can't tell him, can't risk him stopping her in the future. There's no truth to what the room showed her anyway — she jumped into his time stream exactly for that reason. No part of her would ever blame him for her death, not if she did what she was meant to do. ]

I don't understand how things in my mind, how anyone's memories, can get taken this way and used against us. What was the point of making me watch a Dalek kill you all?

[ He doesn't need to be caught up with her memories to care for her, and he wants her to know and feel that. His care and love for his friends is limitless and fierce.

The mention of the Dalek makes him tense a little, dredging up painful memories. ]

The cruelty was the point, Clara. It's a game, a test, perhaps. I believe the purpose was to break us, but in the end, perhaps, it's had the opposite effect. It hurts, of course it does, but it's made us stronger, too. Look what we're doing right now, we're here together.

[ Clara reaches for his hand and holds onto him tightly. Pressing her lips together in a thin line, she looks up at him again. She isn't asking him not to go to the Mouse House, but she has to tell him she's worried. ]

After everything that happened in the tower, I'm really not that keen on you going down into a place where you'll be gassed until you leave. I know, I know, superior lungs and all-around biology. But nothing here plays by the rules.

[ He appraises her for a long moment, not saying anything at all, just contemplating her words and deciding not to react with his first instinct. She's afraid for him and he understands that in this world, that fear isn't entirely unfounded. Yet, he trusts his abilities in this case.

Still, he can make a concession. Squeezing her hand, he tries for a compromise. ]

I'm going down there, Clara, I have to. You know I do. But I'll text you, eh? Every hour. What do you say? If you don't hear from me once every hour, you have my permission to...raise hell - would that be the appropriate term?

[ He gives her a cheeky little smirk. ]

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