clara "why are you booing me i'm right" oswald (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
makemeasong) wrote2022-08-09 01:01 pm
makemeasong) wrote2022-08-09 01:01 pm
Open post/meme overflow ๐ซ
all links are open for tagging, either here under their top level or on bakerstreet. I do rotate through them, so some will come down eventually.
cross canon, assumed cr, and ocs welcome. Please check out Clara's permissions post for more info.
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He keeps stopping and starting and Clara blinks at him again though it turns into a small frown.
"Confusing things. People screaming, and fire, but that melted away into stars and tears. Your tears, I think. But...not." She frowns deeper because that doesn't make sense.
"There are happy people too. People who love you. I can see them, sort of. If I try too hard, it all goes away."
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He felt himself swimming again in memories. No, not swimming.
Drowning.
And the box he never spoke of in the dark corner of his brain he never visited slowly began to openโฆ
โTry harder.โ he told her. And snapped the box shut.
The words had come out colder than he had intended, and he felt the sting of them too. Maybe he wasnโt ready to engage again.
Focus, Doctor. Mystery now, sulk later.
Had the voice in his head always been Scottish or was that a recent thing?
Shut up, Raggedy Man! the Scottish voice in his head replied.
โSorry,โ He spread his thumb and index finger across his eyelids and felt so tired all of a sudden. Had he slept since Manhattan? He wasnโt entirely sure. โSorry, long day.โ
He was all business again as he snapped out the sonic and buzzed it over Clara once more. โWhat youโre seeing are temporal echoes. Of the past. Possibly even the futureโฆโ
He paused, and he wasnโt sure if it was for her benefit or his, โโฆmy past, my futureโฆโ
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"Oi, don't you get snappy with me, I've got better things to do than try to figure out some...some Doctor." Clara huffs. She doesn't actually have anything better to do, but he doesn't need to know that.
When he apologizes, she slowly relaxes, wetting her lips and crossing her arms over her chest.
"This is...your life then. Why are so many people screaming?" It's almost too much for her head. Her mind wasn't made to hold a Time War, even small pieces of it.
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For an anxious moment he wondered if she could hear the screaming, too. He forced the hell back inside the box, grateful that it was bigger on the inside.
His voice low, like the words were forbidden, he continued, โWhen people experience anger or pain or loss, the emotions are too big, too noisy, theyโreโฆ ahโฆ amplified. Temporarily temporally amplified.โ
His hands and fingers danced as he spoke, โI donโt mean temporal in the way you understand it. Itโs not spiritual. I mean time. These are echoes from time, like radio waves. And you somehow tuned in. Thatโs all.โ
He paused and shrugged, โYou were just the wrong girl at the wrong time. Nothing else. Nobody important.โ
The last two words felt hauntingly familiar but they hadnโt been his. Not originally.
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"If I'm nobody then why are you taking me for food? Shouldn't think you'd want to waste your time on nobody important."
She mostly understands what he's explaining, or she tries to anyway. "What do you need me for?"
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He knew he was being unfair. But it was like that same sliver of ice that had crept into his voice earlier was slowly tightening its wintry grip around his hearts.
The universe isnโt always fair, Doctor.
And this time the voice wasnโt Scottish or angry. It was cold.
When she confronted him, he wasnโt sure how to answer her. So he didnโt. She was small but feistyโthe word โgumptionโ popped into his head and refused to leave. Later on in his lives, other words would join it, including but not limited to; โbossyโ, โstubbornโ, and for many reasons, โimpossibleโ.
Finally he met her unflinching eyes. โDunnoโฆ justโฆ old habits, I guess.โ He turned away and continued striding along the promenade, calling after her, โSo, chipsโyou coming?โ
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"What d'you mean 'old habits?' You have a habit of finding young women and treating them to fish and chips?"
The smell of fried food creeps closer. Glancing up at him, she sees something in his face - a tension, a sadness, even anger. Her mind tells her she should get the food and go. But another part of her wants to see where this goes, too curious.
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โNo,โ he said, still not breaking stride, โThose days are over. But youโve been inside my time stream, Clara Oswaldโanyone deserves fish and chips after that. Call it an apology. Call it compensation. Call it what you like.โ
I donโt care, the cold voice added but only to him.
He wanted to believe that was true, but there was something about this Clara girl that kept drawing him back in.
So the Doctor avoided her gaze and kept walking.
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Her voice is louder than she intends but she stands there, staring at his back. "You act like it's my fault when I didn't do a bloody thing but sit there! I didn't ask for this. You owe me more than fried food." She's hungry, but she wants answers more.
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โLanguage,โ he chided lightheartedly and offered a small smile which she refused. In fact she looked far from amused. If anything it seemed to make her angrier as she pressed on, and as he listened his smile faltered and he felt that sliver of ice harden.
โI told you,โ he replied impatiently, โNot your fault. Temporal feedbackโthatโs my guess, my theory. Never really been able to test it out. Not on this planet anyway, itโs usually way beyond your species.โ
He waved the last sentence away like an insincere apology.
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Clara won't back down, she wants more answers. Can this happen again with anyone else? Why is he so upset? Why does her head feel like it might split? She wants to ask and she's going to. At least she thinks she is.
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โI didnโt ask for this,โ he said plainly, wondering if Clara would pick up on her own words thrown back. He paced up the promenade to where she stood and met her eyes with his. โOr, to put it another wayโฆโ
And his voice dropped so suddenly and quietly it felt like the whole universe took a step backโฆ
โโฆnot my problem.โ
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When she's hit, the tram has stopped and she's lying right in front of it. She can't feel anything at all and she can't move. There's the taste of copper and iron in her mouth and she's looking up at stars, blinking slowly. Something in her soul feels settled, like this was the right time, the right place, for her to die.
She isn't scared, and Clara still turns her head slowly, with effort, to see if the Doctor is alright.
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And then she wasnโt, and the entire world pivoted, the cobbled floor and night sky arcing over him in a dizzying kaleidoscope of greys and blues.
For a moment the Doctor heard a distant ringing in his head. He squeezed his eyes shut but the sound persisted, and as everything blurred into reality, he realised it was a tram bell.
Pushing himself up off the floor, he quickly took in the scene.
โtramโ
โbellsโ
โpeopleโ
โcryingโ
Clara.
The last thought sharpened everything into focus and he moved fast, covering the distance as he pushed his way through the small crowd. He could hear a voice saying โโdidnโt see her, she came out of nowhere like a ghost she did! God almightyโโ and guessed it was the driver.
โGive her room and get help,โ he vaguely found himself ordering. He heard some babbling acknowledgment and the crowd eased, perhaps grateful or relieved for someone to take charge.
When he saw Clara, he knew it was too late. The red gently staining the cobbles, her shallow breaths, her closing eyesโฆ
He then saw her turn to look at him and took a deep intake of breath, squared his shoulders and got ready to follow his number one rule.
Kneeling gently beside her, the Doctor smiled encouragingly, โHeyโฆโ His voice was soft as he continued, โYou know itโs cheating if you throw yourself in the path of a tram just to get out of an argument.โ
He pushed a strand of hair from her bloodied face, โSo how about you dust yourself off, I get us those chips and then you can continue shouting at me some more, eh?โ
The Doctor smiled what he hoped was his most reassuring and twinkliest smile.
He knew she had minutes.
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One hand is trying to reach for him, fingers grazing his cheek.
"Wasn't all bad. I saw silver grass picnics...red leaves year-round. Babies laughing."
There's a wheeze from her, death rattling in the back of her throat, but she doesn't look afraid and adds another word.
"Hope."
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Claraโs words took the Doctor back to the days long since dead. He smelt grass kissed by a second sunโs dying light. He heard leaves rustle songs never to be heard again. He saw smiles lost to Time but burned into his memoryโฆ
โHopeโฆโ he echoed, his voice still quiet, โHopeโs good. Hold onto that, Clara.โ
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With everything Clara has left in her, as blood pools around her head, she looks right at him, one last flicker of light burning brightly.
"And run. Run you clever boy. And remember."
In these final seconds, she knows him, and she knows exactly what she is. The corners of her lips curve into a minute smile before her hand drops away from his cheek and her chest deflates for the final time. Her eyes close, and another echo becomes stardust.
Somewhere in the world and in a different time, another Clara Oswald looks up as a leaf blows by in the wind, swirling into the sky until it seems to disappear against the sun.
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And then she wasnโt, her dying words haunting him as her hand fell away and her eyes slowly closed for the final time.
For a long while the Doctor just knelt next to her, the only sound that of the dark waves rolling and crashing against the sands.
He wanted to stay longer than he did. He wanted to stay when onlookers dispersed. He wanted to stay when the policeman spoke to the ashen-faced tram driver. He even wanted to stay when they covered her body and took her away. He wanted to stay until time ran out and forced him to forget.
The Doctor carefully stood up and turned his back, working his way through the gathering, murmuring crowd.
The sea breeze tugged at his jacket again but there was a chill to it now. Something fluttered and settled on his shoulder and he realised the first few flakes of winter snow were beginning to fall.
He had wanted to stay for as long as he could but instead he turned and left and never came back.
Until one day he did.